the past week has been hellish on my digestive tract. i somehow managed to give myself food poisoning on top of the IBS that kicked up a fuss last weekend. BF came over twice with care packages (cereal drinks, canned tuna, wholemeal bread, LACTEO FORT OMG that stuff is awesome) and yea, i know how awesome he is on a regular basis, but it's surprising gestures like that which makes me pause and hold back tears.
maybe i'm just more vulnerable when i'm sick haha can't put up the 'tough chick' act anymore? geh.
he doesn't read my dA stuff anyway, so i can gush all i want here without feeling too self-conscious HEHEHEHE
felt strong enough today and while preparing to head out for yet-another-blood-test, henceforth abbreviated to YABT...i found my youngest bro drunk at 7.50 am in the toilet. i don't know how he got home...but i had to yell at him and give him instructions on how to take off his shoes/pants as he lay half naked on the floor.
i am finally feeling something, and that is ANGER. at the point of discovery, my main concern was getting his sorry drunk ass cleaned and out of the toilet so that grandma would get off my case! luckily, he could still follow basic instructions and didn't appear to be suffering any serious case of alcohol poisoning.
he's 21, and i'm 34. all my life i've had to play a sort of parent to him (long irritating family history omitted here but i'm sure you can guess why), and just now, dad walked in telling me i should go counsel him. there's no words for me to use that does not include swearing, and i get the feeling it will agitate me further having to come up with some way to convince the youngest that drinking's not a way to solve problems.
that's not what i'm going to do anyway. sigh. it's also the middle bro's birthday today (happy 31st, Ben!) and ......somehow that makes me NOT want to broach this issue even more. Ben and I have tried our best to be friends with Ray, not parents, not siblings. for me, it's easier to assume the authoritarian figure in the house since i've always been the control freak and the 'big sis' label used to hold some sway in their decision making processes (or so i'd like to think HA!) but now....i just don't want to anymore cos he's an ADULT!
doesn't make me feel less good about the position i'm in though.
at least i'm no longer puking.
i miss bf. T-T wake up oredi!!!!!!