...of my new-new lap blanket :E

re: Weather the weather, although I really appreciated the gesture, the scratchy woollen blanket is far too warm for Singapore's climate. It's since been washed yet seen no use. While out windowshopping today (before Rurouni Kenshion, which was AWESOME btw) I saw that UNIQLO had a promotion, with every purchase of $100 entitled customers to a free FLEECE BLANKET OMGZORZWTFBBQ

bf willingly complied. :E our friend helped by purchasing a jacket, bf got himself a dapper black office shirt, i got a fleece jacket too!!! in a colour i never dared imagine myself wearing - bubblegum pink . oh, and the lap blanket thingy is in pink too I KNOW I KNOW WHAT IS GOING ON HERE I'VE AVOIDED PINK FOR MOST OF MY LIFE must be a middle-aged woman thing.

there's a lot left to complete, designing namecards (for self-print/cut since it's too late to order some) ((double bleargh on that task)), printing out logos for the theme, cake signages, drinks for the cafe etc.....and the event is this Sunday!!!! Head down to Marina Barrage this 9th December 2012!

Details here:

snowfern-clover.blogspot.sg/2012/11/see-you-on-9th-december-2012.html

AND AND AND the other news keeping me hyper, bf secretly arranged to get tickets for Legoland Malaysia!! WOOT WOOT!!! <3 Legos sooooo muchie!!!!

sooo many birthday pressies this year, feeling very spoilt and incredibly lucky.

hope i can get to sleep fast tonight wearing a smile, probably

See you there!

snowfern-clover.blogspot.sg/2012/11/see-you-on-9th-december-2012.html

sushitime.

Just got back from grocery shopping. Today's rain was a rather icy cold spray, with winds so strong I feared for my umbrella.

Since 'emerging' from this last round of depression, I've started on new-old routines of cooking and cleaning. Put myself on a low-fat, low-sugar diet. I'd put on so much weight over the last few years it's ...*rolls eyes at self* GRARGGGHHH. The wake up call was my blood test results. I don't know how they are now, but I've lost about 5kgs in a little over 6 weeks, just from 'eating right' and in (I hope) correct portions. Pretty pleased with that.

It is a bad time to start swimming again though. Monsoon season's upon us, and the weather's ....well. Here's a random (but related) side thought. Bf got me the most romantic pressie upon his return from a trip to Guangzhou. We had travelled to Taiwan together a few years back, survived it, and the only quibble we had on that trip was me wanting to take the flannel blanket off the plane with us, and him saying we're not allowed to. Now, I'm not a kleptomaniac nor do I support thievery, but in this case, I saw it as along the lines of taking-shampoo-and-soap-bottles-from-the-hotel-room type of inclusive service. He promised he would get me a flannel blanket of similar quality if I didn't take the blanket, but we've never been able to find one of the same size and comfort since.

He beckoned for me, and told me, "See, I got you a pressie. I love you so much I even stole a blanket for you."

*HEART MELTS*

Although it was not flannel (more of a scratchy wool type), it -was- from his return trip!! AND I CAN USE IT IN THIS SODDING WEATHER! We'll see how long that lasts, or if my allergies flare from it.



(maybe I shouldn't be putting this down for the world to see?)

hee hee

While working on my roombox, I googled and surfed the net for various techniques, inspiration and ideas. I'm sure many of us do so from time to time, after all, nothing I have done/created has come from a vacuum. In my mind, creativity is a cumulation of exposure and retention, and if my brain happens to form connections between various seemingly unconnected ideas, something new can be formed.

Occasionally, bumbling around with materials at hand helps. Perhaps I am not so lucky (nor trained) to be able to mentally visualize what my projected outcome should be, and so often simply come up with variations upon others' hard work.

While working on the modern pendant lamps in 1:12, I came up with a fast and easy way to cut out the templates, and immediately thought of writing up a post/walkthrough on how to do so. However, the lamp was from a life-sized lamp Instructable, and although that Instructable took inspiration from ANOTHER Instructable, I felt that I still would either need to ask for permission, or at the very least credit both authors.

I am also very aware that ideas are non-copyrightable, and thus free to interpretation etc. However, I would never -ever- claim any idea nor technique as -my own- unless I did indeed come up with it, even so I cannot imagine that no one else in the whole wide world could have come up with an idea as clever as mine!!! But too often within my community of miniature and doll lovers do I come across petty claims of copying. I look away in disgust and want to have no part of that, so I strive hard to not look around -too much- within the circle, and instead look at the 1:1 world around me for inspiration.

What really upsets me is when people rip off existing ideas and techniques and claim them as their own. Worse, profit off freely available online workshops etc. Sure, I give it to them that they have put in their own hard work in taking photos/videos, editing, marketing of the idea, all that should amount to some sort of reward right?

So before deciding on whether to share my experiences on making the lamp, I asked myself these questions:

Q1) If I had drawn up my own template for the lamp, with my own measurements/modifications for 1:12, does that mean I have come up with enough variations to claim the right to make my own tutorial on it?

Q2) Should I come up with my own tutorial without asking for permission, I would DEFINITELY credit it since I feel it was based off of a basic geometric shape and had a generic enough look that I wouldn't inadvertently tread upon anyone's claim on it. But since I've put my own twist on things, come up with a faster/easier way to make it, and would provide a template with instructions, does this mean I can profit off it? i.e. sell the tutorial?

Q3) I also know that I have an existing readership base (be it blog/facebook/dA), and I understand that a number of them (you?) would be interested in -my- way of doing things. Since this is in miniature, there would be no conflict as I am not marketing to the general audience, instead to a specific group of people with specific interests. But does this make it 'okay'?


my answers would be:

A1) I do think so, and that my tutorial would be different enough (technique wise, outcome would be similar though) to be regarded as not directly copying the original tutorial.

A2) I wouldn't sell it, no way, I would simply 'pass along' the information with my take on it. Especially since the original source of information was free to begin with.

Though I imagine it would be a whole different can of worms if my original inspiration was a 'stolen idea' ergghhh let's not go there!

A3) Mixed bag of feelings on this one. This question is not specific to the previous 2 questions, and 'just in general'. One of the main reasons I have stopped making free tutorials is because it is alot of work involved, excluding trials and testing, and I have no other source of income. It would be great to be rewarded in monetary terms for my work. But too often, I also see too many tutorials here on dA and YT where people easily rehash tutorials and techniques available from books and popular tutorials (with too similar outcomes) WITHOUT CREDITING THEIR SOURCES. And i'm not talking about 'general techniques' either. and I can't go into specifics without naming names, and general bitching, so i'm not going there, but let's just say, i'm guessing quite a number of you will find this a pretty familiar scenario.

So what's the point in this journal entry really? Frankly, it is an exercise for me to get rid of my torturous and vacillating opinions on the topic of writing more free vs selling tutorials, and disgust at people (a number of whom i'd PREVIOUSLY respected) who rip off freely available knowledge to profit off their fanbase. I want to state clearly that I am not targeting any one person, this has been happening too often and I'm simply at my tipping point.

I know I'm overthinking this, but I think too many people don't even lend a thought to this subject matter. Anyhow, these are my thoughts on it, now lend me yours If you think my perspectives might be too paranoid, spot-on, etc, LET ME KNOW. I'd love to hear what people think and feel about the above.

TAKE THIS IPHONE AWAY FROM ME!!!!

i can't seem to stop playing Cookie Dozer -_-""""""""""""""""""""""""""

....is a gradual process.

Thank you, all, for your comments on my previous entry. I went through all of them, and to be honest, due to my mental state, there was a coupla comments that gave me knee-jerk reactions, causing me to go into a mental tirade over how religion has been more of a bane rather than boon in my life. But part of my brain told me to walk away from the computer, as I also knew that it was the 'irritability' portion of depression that made me more touchy and argumentative. A few lengthy responses elicited a few tears, which reminded me that I still was human, that I felt empathy, which was far far better than the dull void I'd been experiencing. :]

My apathy is still here, but I'm managing to get myself out of bed, and STAY OUT OF BED for longer periods of time...I put less pressure, and stopped beating myself up for being such a loser, and decided to get my hands back into clay. This proved to be really good at keeping me away from the bed, as I obsessed over the little details of various shellfish (Re:snowfern-clover.blogspot.sg/2012/09/miniature-spaghetti-marinara-in-112.html. My appetite was terrible and had kept my diet to wholemeal bread and salty crackers for weeks cos I had not felt up to going downstairs to buy some food. and feeling miserable about not wanting to get out of the house even for a proper meal for weeks meant a continuous cycle of not getting enough energy into my body to get out of bed.

part of my self-administered behavioural treatment was to say, ok, just order a fucking pizza. so what. just deal with the hunger first, feed/nourish your body/mind so it can function better.

and whaddya know, 2 days and lots of cheese/carbs later, I felt like I had more energy. I still didn't really feel like talking to anyone though. So I didn't let that sort of pressure to response get at me.

For those who have gone through periods of depression, I hope that it never happens to you all again, and that proper help and/or treatment will always be made available to you, as is with me in my case. As to those who are not sure of what to do, please don't try and put that sort of burden on yourself, try and get PROPER help, via counselling or friends, relatives....I'm at a grand old age of (soon-to-be this Dec) 36, which means I've been struggling with these feelings or lack thereof for over 29 years (yes, I've been awfully depressed even at 7. blame it on a tough childhood, or poor genetics, whatever.). Sometimes, it's just situational, and for others like myself, constant vigilance and support is key.

But I'm still here, like a tenacious barnacle. so I suppose, there's hope yet. okay, enough with the shellfish metaphors, just wanted to say thanks again for the surprising show of support

<3,
Cindy

Having suffered from (clinical) depression most of my life, and having gone through therapy for about 12 years (on and off), I had thought that it would be easier to recognize and detect the symptoms.

mmfhmm. yeah right.

My moods have been fluctuating pretty wildly ever since I moved my 'work' stuff back home, and frankly, the part of depression I think is hardest to deal with is the apathy. Deep, engulfing sadness, that is easy to deal with. Simply hide in the shower, and cry over the stupidest stuff. Anger, easy to detect, people react to your over-reactions, ta-dah, symptom detected. Ditto for irritability. Erratic eating habits, increased sleep, lethargy....so obvious.

But oh the apathy. I'm in that stage now, and although at first, I did not want to be this public about my depression, somehow it matters that I write about it, because it helps organize my thoughts and yeah, sure, I could have written it in a private journal, but sometimes, after long periods of self-imposed isolation, it does help knowing people bother with whether I existed or not, especially strangers, because having those closest around you smothering you with concern seems too much like unnecessary pressure to 'snap out of it' as if it were as simple as stepping into the shower.

Which I have not done in 2 days (but resolved to do so after this entry). Shower, that is, not 'snap out of it'.

Or at least, I hope it is, and that strange as it may seem, I want to feel something, like, maybe I still belong in the universe, that I'm not alone in feeling (or lacking in) this way, that people have gone through this (or who are going through it) come out all the stronger for it.

I've been through this cycle countless times, but I suppose another thing about mental illness is that, you never know you're sick. Because the brain is in itself sick, too sick to let you know. Or something along those lines. Which reminds me of this:

Dr. Rosen: You can't reason your way out of this!
Nash: Why not? Why can't I?
Dr. Rosen: Because your mind is where the problem is in the first place!
- A Beautiful Mind

I had been introduced to "Gateway" by Frederik Pohl back when I had an online journal (now defunct and lost out there in cyberspace), it's all very tiresome and bland, thinking about the steps I had to go through to get myself out of depression. But sometimes, things just have to run its course. I think.

I'm struggling with thoughts of abandoning this post, for the thoughts of having to deal with responses, comments (appreciate them!), or questions (of which I have no desire to reply to, which is why I had not been taking commission requests either)....it all just seems to much to handle right now. I guess apathy helps in that, part of me just went, "*shrug* so what. who cares."

it's Dad's birthday today (at least on my side of the world, 2nd Aug). Just got back from buying the cake, as I usually do.

i wish i were happier. but it's dad's birthday, so i gotta fake it till i make it! only cos i <3 him.

confused? yea. so'm i.

almost done with packing I want to get back into creating mini stuff, have tonnes of ideas swimming in this cranium, but i keep getting distracted cos there's a pesky demon that needs to be handled anyone else in on the Diablo 3 craze!??!?!? I really should know better than to risk ruining my wrists again like D2 did, but meh........PEWPEWPEW!



that aside, a recent thread on a forum i visit (semi-)regularly brought up an interesting topic on critiques and criticisms, especially the unsolicited sort. the basic point was that (or i think, i'm really bad at comprehension ) since us miniaturists make copies of real life food,  it's quite frustrating to get comments that go along the lines of "this is too big" or "that colour is different" due to the fact that food comes in all sorts of sizes and shapes. not to mention the cultural differences.

for example:
from what i know, pancakes in Japan are generally thicker and smaller than the flat huge round ones more commonly seen in America, and judging from what i've observed, a lot lighter coloured too. i also prefer to have my pancakes a little darker in real life, i enjoy the caramelized aroma and taste.

however, if i were to make a mini version, it would be lighter coloured only cos dark colours are not as aesthetically pleasing to me as a golden hue. and now let's take it further and say, maybe the pancake i'm making is to a customer's specification, and the photographs provided are to dimensions they are more familiar with in their lives.

so let's say, i post a photo of the completed up works here. i don't want to, nor feel the urge to put up an artist statement explaining my motivations, inspirations, etc because

1) i don't feel yet like an artist, though i do now consider myself an artisan and not just 'crafty'
2) i use dA more as a portfolio of works
3) there's not much to explain. sometimes, it is what it is. if maybe i could have fooled someone into thinking my works was real food, all the better. *shrugs*
4) the photo was taken to show my customer, as i used to do mostly commissioned work TO MY CUSTOMERS' SPECIFICATIONS

caps for emphasis.

i'm not sure what the 'social convention' or 'unspoken rule'  or whatever hell social norm is on dA is on commenting is, but for me, in general, unless i know the artist pretty well or that critiques have been requested, i offer nothing but my gut reaction to the work, edited to remove any nuance of criticism XD i didn't know better in very very early of my days of mini-learning, because back then i hadn't understood the frustrations of resisting the urge to explain myself to every single comment.

i'm not saying that i do not welcome comments or opinions, i read every single one and appreciate them, but i also -know- intrinsically that it's impossible to please EVERYBODY, and -almost- everybody's a critic XD but this topic did make me wonder, how different and difficult is it to proffer an opinion where alot of the work miniaturists do is essentially a copy or mimicry of real life items, and is totally subjective? is it possible to offer an objective opinion?

how do you handle comments/opinions/feedback, and how does it differ if you are from a different 'field' of art?

i hope this hasn't been too difficult or confusing to understand, i haven't used the critical thinking portion of my weak brain in a while, and woke up not long ago (which might be a good thing, i'm less likely to censor myself)

how time flies! things over here have been rather hectic, and the worst of it is (I HOPE) over! within a space of a month, a few members of my family and bf started passing around the very fashionable flu that comes with April's weather shift....

which led to my youngest brother spending 2 nights at the hospital for complications arising from the flu (bad bronchitis/asthma attack, they're still trying to figure out why :S)....

then my pulled right shoulder muscle from carrying not-too-heavy packets of soupy foods around, was so painful i got on some 'fun' painkillers but took me out for a few days....

then finding out my dad's routine checkup turned out some pretty bad news about his heart - something about blood pumping back into chambers, possible blockage or not-blockage....i'm trying hard not to think too much about it but instead focussing on adjusting his diet so we can keep him around for a lot lot LOT more....my heart aches a little thinking about this.

leading into news that the lease for the office is up, and a lot earlier than i'd been prepared for, so i'm in the midst of packing all this mini stuff up, all this while trying hard not to mess up my still-sore shoulder (at least i can move it and turn my head now...)

i was really down for a few days, being stuck in bed nursing the shoulder/neck/gastric flu(food poisoning??) but there's plenty ahead of me yet, and although it could have been so easy for me to slip down the slippery path back into *gulp* **lowers voice into whisper** depression, i went on an escape-from-reality adventure in Pocket Legends, which meant spending plenty more time with my youngest bro, simply not thinking or overthinking everything. i guess everything is falling into place, and it seems i might be going back into my old (and oft-role) of caregiver. but no WAY am i going to give up on minis. it keeps me sane, happy, and brightens up my darkest moments. so though i may be more subdued and less faux-cheery (huh) i am determined to come up with better works and figure out how to make bland foods appetizing for a funny old man with just a few teeth left XD speaking of which, grandma is getting new dentures fitted so....


*deep sigh*

ANYWAY. here's to me, surviving all this. :E GO ME RAWRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

too much has been happening lately, my own health problems the least of the issues. seems almost every member of my family has had bad medical problems this year, and I'm feeling a little overwhelmed by all that's going on.

having to deal with all this -and- worry about rent is too much for me, and so I've decided to stop taking in students, and take some time off from minis to concentrate on these issues. going to finish up current requests, but not taking anymore commissions nor swap requests. I apologize to those whom i've promised my very very -delayed- swaps, but there is no way I can cope right now

keep on mini-ing! I'm going to try for as long as I can goodness knows I need to keep my chin up.

-stressed-

been a loooooong week.

i'm tired and weary.

NEEDS MORE SLEEP.

Retinal burn and feeling burnt out. been working on cleaning up some graphics for another commission, spent far far too many hours (DAYS!) on it only because i'm quite more than a little obsessive compulsive about un-noticeable stuff. Staring at the monitor at the same spot for hours is leaving me with retinal burns that take a while to clear (saw a huge white letter 'S' for a few mins after i looked away from the image last night LOL)

decided to limit my commission slots. made that decision last month really, have been working on wholesale/commission/custom orders since December, trying to catch up what with my various illnesses and on top of that giving lessons is wearing me out. i have some measure of social anxiety, meeting new people wreaks havoc on my gut and brain. not to mention, i'm not able to get my own ideas out of my head. and i'm still not done with commissions, customers have been kept waiting for over a month, and that's raising my anxiety levels to an uncomfortable level.

so before i crash (again!) i think it's time to round things up and try and concentrate on my own ideas etc. i've decided to place less importance on the business aspect, it is clearly not for me. i'll just sell whatever i can, and hope for the best XD

hope to also catch up to comments and looking around dA again take it easy everyone ^ ^
Cindy

to all who celebrate it

it's been a rough start for 2012, or if you view it from a different p.o.v. a miserable end to a miserable 2011 according to the lunar calendar. i hope the new lunar new year will turn our luck around. grandma and i had to pay the hospital a visit, for different reasons (me, food poisoning, her...age-related problems)....dad's gout acted up again, bf contracted hand foot mouth disease from his nephew which then led to complications and a lung infection....if his fever does not cease soon he'll have to be hospitalized....

on the up side, CNY IS ALMOST HERE! it's getting lesser and lesser of 'a big deal' here, i feel that there's hardly any festive mood anymore...but i still enjoy it despite the stresses that it brings with it. i believe it helps forges relationships, if handled the right way. i'm cryptic cos i'm so tired i can barely think, but so stressed i can't sleep yet XD

anyway. have updated my blog again, please drop by and say hi

snowfern-clover.blogspot.com/2012/01/breakfast-in-14.html

you can find the updated FAQ here. there weren't that many new questions anyway, so i plonked it with my previous FAQ.

THE FAQ

from here on, i will not answer anymore craft-related questions personally, mainly because i've been getting too many questions, and even after i make an effort to reply, i don't even get a word of thanks. it's very irritating since i don't even like repeating the same answers over and over again, and then not even an acknowledgement after. grr.

anyhow. Happy New Year! i hope to be less grouchy in 2012 XD

i'm feeling this sense of urgency now that the year is coming to a close. december is a very hard time for me, as my hormones and whatever go nutso alongside the erratic weather. it's been this way since i was a child. but i can feel myself coming out of it, and will sort out my website, organize my stuff, and probably write an FAQ.

if you have any questions to ask me, please comment on this journal. i might not answer questions that require too much explanation, because well, NOT ENOUGH TIME! XD as with any craft, some experiences are just tactile and require a lot of actual crafting to figure out the answer yourself. best way to learn, is through experience and mistakes, eh? but i will answer basic questions etc by way of an FAQ, so that i won't have to keep repeating myself.

personal questions welcome too, but don't expect those answers to be serious

I turned 35 on Sat, and this year it was a 2-day celebration, caught up with cousin whole of saturday shopping, eating, chatting, confiding... it was a fabulous time, i hadn't caught up with her in ages!

slept away the whole Sun morning as it seems i was overstimulated by the weekend crowd in town the day before......so i couldn't get to sleep until about 3am! then Sun night was a brother/hisgf/mybf dinner outing at our fave japanese restaurant (Chikuwa Tei for those here in SG )...also really nice to meet up with my brother as we seldom get to see each other what with his work schedule and especially because he's living on his own now.

i don't know what it is about this year, but looking back (i'm always so introspective this time of year hrmmm) it feels like i've finally 'grown up'. sure, i'm still as emotionally immature and childish, but suddenly, i've taken on responsibilities that i'd never thought i would, like moving my mini-stuff to bf's office, starting up this 'business' (which reminds me, gotta apply for that business registration number) and trying to make a living out of this whole mini thing. i don't know if i will succeed, but dangit i'll die trying.

hopefully not too soon. death, that is.

hur.

anyway! some nice and not-so-nice stuff happened but i've already written about it in my blog:

[link]

ok. bye

It has been an amazing week, we don't celebrate Thanksgiving here (duh) but I had lots to be thankful for It was a hectic week, more orders and requests than I expected...and ANOTHER DAILY DEVIATION WOOT WOOT!!!

[link]

Thank you ~ScrewedupWorld (eh? empty and new acct?) for suggesting it, and ^Hanratty-Stock for making it possible!

I had no idea my sushi stuff was going to be so popular, since I do so little of it XD eh heheh I made a pun....hehhehehnghhngh



also, I have completed the draw! you can find out who the winner were here

[link]


I'm still shocked and staring at my notifications, I really don't think I can manage individual comments with my current 'workload'...so here's yet another collective THANK YOU!! it's really nice to see that all that hunching over and swearing at the carpet (hurhur) was worthwhile XD

<3!
Cindy

Hi everyone   I have a Christmas giveaway up on my blog, you can view the details in the post here:

[link]

there will be 2 sets given away!

The atmosphere always changes around this time, shopping centres start glamming and blinging up (I LIKE), christmas music piped everywhere (not my fave but sometimes it gets stuck in your head huh!) and me...well...i tried getting into the mood but since I don't celebrate it per se, i just stand back and smile at the wonderful colourful works popping up ^ ^

have a happy mini Christmas!

Cindy

oh wow dA is changing quite a bit eh?

i was taking some time off to myself, and thought to catch up on replying to the nice comments, as well as surfing around dA a little bit to see how everyone's doing....then i noticed that the last time i replied to comments was in June -_-"

and it's quite a bit to catch up on, so thank you all so much, i do read the comments and appreciate them....i seem to write something like this every few months or so eh? being all socially awkward and such, i feel silly repeating myself over and over again, but a collective 'thank you' seems too much like accepting some award huh....ok it shall be my goal to try and be more sociable for 2012

there i go making resolutions that are near impossible to keep, and it's not even new year yet!

as i'm moving on to different mediums, i really do wish dA had some scale dollhouse miniature section right now, i can only post my mini clay work under clay -> miniatures, so everything else is quite random, like my 1:12 books are under....bookmaking?? maybe i shouldn't be so lazy and start categorizing properly XD

g'nite everyone

/random off