Shop Mobile More Submit  Join Login
About Deviant Member Cindy TehFemale/Singapore Recent Activity
Deviant for 8 Years
Needs Premium Membership
Statistics 729 Deviations 924 Comments 119,943 Pageviews

Newest Deviations

Favourites

Activity


I'm sitting here feeling a little numb, considering the amount of pain I've been in since being woken up by the left ovary at 5am. The past week has been really trying for most Singaporeans, but I didn't allow myself time to get too caught up as Ahma had been feeling unwell since last 21st March, which was the day after her 87th birthday. She was admitted to TTSH last Thursday, for a myocardial infarction aka heart attack, which wasn't what her major complaint was about, it was a severe back pain that was troubling her.

Since her admission, it was discovered that she had suffered perhaps a few minor heart attacks, a fractured spine, a urinary tract infection, and deteriorating kidney function issues. Now, for a spritely old lady of 87, who was, up till last weekend, ambulant, fiercely independent, and honestly, too feisty to handle at times, this must have been quite a tough blow. She now is dependent on nurses for her care, and although I have tried to pay her daily visits, my own condition has worsened and I haven't been able to see her since yesterday.

Dad, Aunt and youngest brother are taking over the visits, and it would seem that given her complications, although she isn't on her death bed *touch wood* she's ....definitely taken a turn for the worse. I guess I'm sitting down here steeped in guilt for not being able to help, because frankly, my major concern is whether I should take another dosage of painkillers. Being in constant, unabating pain means I have become less empathetic towards others. I guess it is what it is.

I don't think anybody in my family is prepared for this. I have never had anyone close to me pass away, or suffer for an extended period of time. Dad is so misguided it's almost funny, well, not to make light of the situation, but it's either laugh, or cry. Even Eva has refused to eat her food since Ahma has been admitted, so I've had to handfeed her. Maybe she just feels neglected, what with us taking turns to keep Ahma company. Or maybe, she really does miss Ahma's constant presence.

Me, I've kept busy, making printables, taking photos, making new stuff. It helps distract from the physical pain, and although I have only suffered 2 panic attacks (and quite a number of nightmares) since Thursday, I can tell that I'm not handling things well. My hands shake quite badly, hence my lack of clay/miniature making. 

I've delayed writing about this, because I dared not allow myself to feel, and I've allowed myself a few tears reading LKY's family tributes, especially those relating stories of his relationship with his wife, I think those tears are really projected ones from my true fears.

Am not ready to go there yet. Perhaps there is no need. Perhaps. *heavy sigh* Let's hope Ahma gets better soon, the house feels so quiet without her.
  • Mood: Sadness
  • Listening to: Doctors on the phone
  • Reading: stupid crap on my FB wall
  • Playing: Inkscape
  • Eating: when I remember to
  • Drinking: plain water

deviantID

Snowfern
Cindy Teh
Singapore
Workshops are no longer available. Thank you all for your support so far :)

FAQ - For more info about me and my craft: FAQ (READ ME FIRST :P )

I sell at-
Etsy: www.etsy.com/shop/snowfern
Zibbet: www.zibbet.com/Snowfern
Luulla: www.luulla.com/store/snowfern

Blogs:
1:12 and smaller - snowfern-clover.blogspot.com
BJD scales - 1:3, 1:4, 1:6 - clover-tea.blogspot.com

Facebook
www.facebook.com/SnowfernClover

Instagram
- www.instagram.com/snowfern

Commissions - (OPEN)
- clover-tea.blogspot.com/p/custom-requests.html
thanks for looking!
Interests
I'm sitting here feeling a little numb, considering the amount of pain I've been in since being woken up by the left ovary at 5am. The past week has been really trying for most Singaporeans, but I didn't allow myself time to get too caught up as Ahma had been feeling unwell since last 21st March, which was the day after her 87th birthday. She was admitted to TTSH last Thursday, for a myocardial infarction aka heart attack, which wasn't what her major complaint was about, it was a severe back pain that was troubling her.

Since her admission, it was discovered that she had suffered perhaps a few minor heart attacks, a fractured spine, a urinary tract infection, and deteriorating kidney function issues. Now, for a spritely old lady of 87, who was, up till last weekend, ambulant, fiercely independent, and honestly, too feisty to handle at times, this must have been quite a tough blow. She now is dependent on nurses for her care, and although I have tried to pay her daily visits, my own condition has worsened and I haven't been able to see her since yesterday.

Dad, Aunt and youngest brother are taking over the visits, and it would seem that given her complications, although she isn't on her death bed *touch wood* she's ....definitely taken a turn for the worse. I guess I'm sitting down here steeped in guilt for not being able to help, because frankly, my major concern is whether I should take another dosage of painkillers. Being in constant, unabating pain means I have become less empathetic towards others. I guess it is what it is.

I don't think anybody in my family is prepared for this. I have never had anyone close to me pass away, or suffer for an extended period of time. Dad is so misguided it's almost funny, well, not to make light of the situation, but it's either laugh, or cry. Even Eva has refused to eat her food since Ahma has been admitted, so I've had to handfeed her. Maybe she just feels neglected, what with us taking turns to keep Ahma company. Or maybe, she really does miss Ahma's constant presence.

Me, I've kept busy, making printables, taking photos, making new stuff. It helps distract from the physical pain, and although I have only suffered 2 panic attacks (and quite a number of nightmares) since Thursday, I can tell that I'm not handling things well. My hands shake quite badly, hence my lack of clay/miniature making. 

I've delayed writing about this, because I dared not allow myself to feel, and I've allowed myself a few tears reading LKY's family tributes, especially those relating stories of his relationship with his wife, I think those tears are really projected ones from my true fears.

Am not ready to go there yet. Perhaps there is no need. Perhaps. *heavy sigh* Let's hope Ahma gets better soon, the house feels so quiet without her.
  • Mood: Sadness
  • Listening to: Doctors on the phone
  • Reading: stupid crap on my FB wall
  • Playing: Inkscape
  • Eating: when I remember to
  • Drinking: plain water

AdCast - Ads from the Community

Comments


Add a Comment:
 
:iconizakat:
IzaKat Featured By Owner Dec 24, 2014  Student General Artist
This is fantabulous!  I loove the miniature foods!  They're so realistic and you definitely put so much time into all of it. :D

So here, have some cake, a llama, and a watch. ^-^
Reply
:iconengiru:
Engiru Featured By Owner Nov 7, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
At first I thought you made miniature food and I was like: Wow! It's so cute > w <! I wonder if the cooker eats it afterwards...
Now, after looking at your gallery and reading your text at the bottom, I realized that all of this was not actual food .___. I can't even think about how much time you put into making such a piece of art so small. On top of that, CLAY! You really convinced me that these were real. You just got a new watch > u O !!
Reply
:iconaziananhhahaz:
aziananhhahaz Featured By Owner Sep 26, 2014  Student Digital Artist
omg your miniature food looks awesome!! it made my day looking at it! Im gonna watch you!! XD
Reply
:iconblueranyk:
Blueranyk Featured By Owner Aug 23, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
I love, love, LOVE your miniature food. <3 Your work is gorgeous; keep it up! :) Watching you now~
Reply
:iconakyomi:
Akyomi Featured By Owner Jun 30, 2014  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
I have a question, all of what you've done, where do you stock them ? x)
Reply
:iconsnowfern:
Snowfern Featured By Owner Aug 21, 2014
in a box, until someone buys them :P or, sent immediately to the customer, since majority of what I do are customer commissions.
Reply
:iconakyomi:
Akyomi Featured By Owner Aug 22, 2014  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Omg, I can't imagine how many boxes you have xD
Reply
:iconlokis1army:
Lokis1army Featured By Owner Jun 25, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
how do you make your builds so small?
Reply
:iconsnowfern:
Snowfern Featured By Owner Aug 21, 2014
sheer perseverance and stubbornness.
Reply
:iconlokis1army:
Lokis1army Featured By Owner Aug 22, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
well you do an amazing job ^^
Reply
Add a Comment: